As we talked about last week, the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony is the primary path of holiness for most Catholics. The goal: to get you, your spouse, and your children to Heaven. This is accomplished by living in the grace of the Sacrament, a God-given power to excel in loving and serving your family through the ordinary responsibilities of daily life. God does not expect extraordinary actions, but ordinary actions done heroically. The foundation of these daily decisions is the consent exchanged between the spouses that constitutes the marriage covenant. Let’s look at these more carefully.

   The priest/deacon questions the couple before the two declare their consent to one another. He has already asked these questions at the beginning of the process, but he does so now publicly so that all the witnesses (both the wedding party and the congregation) can hear and attest to their readiness. In Catholic weddings, there’s no dramatic cinema-style “Speak now or forever hold your peace”; that’s covered through an announcement made in the preceding weeks to allow informants to come forward before the whole family arrives. The minister asks them three questions to ensure they’re each separately ready to form this covenant:

1. (Name) and (Name), have you come here to enter into Marriage without coercion, freely and wholeheartedly?
2. Are you prepared, as you follow the path of Marriage, to love and honor each other for as long as you both shall live?
3. Are you prepared to accept children lovingly from God and to bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?

   Each of the questions highlights a different dimension of married love: it’s free, full, faithful, and fruitful. The first question touches upon the necessary freedom to enter a covenant. If you do not possess yourself, you cannot give yourself. If you would not be entering this marriage if it weren’t for X (a controlling parent, an unexpected pregnancy, the promise of a green card), then you should not be getting married at that moment. The second question focuses on the fullness and faithfulness of the marital Yes. Marriage is for the whole of life, both in terms of quantity and quality of time. The vocation of Marriage is meant to embrace every aspect of your life; there’s no nook or cranny that you should hide from your spouse. This also means that Marriage is an exclusive bond that permits no additional people to enter it. Fidelity is measured not in actions alone (have I not committed the act of adultery), but in our words, thoughts, and emotions as well. Does my heart belong totally to my beloved, or do I harbor fantasies about other people or wish for a different life? Finally, the third question emphasizes the fruitfulness of the marital union. Sex is not just about bonding; it’s also about babies. The two results of marital union are bound intimately together for myriad biological, evolutionary, and spiritual reasons. Without openness to life (more on what that means later), the marital bond remains incomplete and stunted.

   Next week we’ll look at the vows themselves and the prayer that the minister prays over the couple as they begin their marital journey together!

   -Fr. Stephen