Based on my previous bulletin column, some might believe the Church has some outlandish ideas about procreation. While clearly opposing the use of artificial contraception to control births, the whole teaching of the Church promotes responsible parenthood where families prudently discern when and how to bring more life into the world. Understanding what childrearing entails helps parents discern when it is wise to allow more time before trying for another child.

   Abraham Maslow in 1943 introduced a psychological motivation theory called the Hierarchy of Needs. This structure classifies and structures human desires from most basic and foundation to most lofty and aspirational. These dimensions map onto the various ways that parents raise their children in the most complete way possible. Before teaching them trigonometry or complex moral reasoning, parents must provide physical care for kids, meeting their needs for food, shelter, and safety. Kids also need emotional and relational growth. It’s not enough, as I sometimes hear from families, that parents “put food on the table and a roof over their heads. These ungrateful kids!” Kids need attentive, sacrificial love. They need to know they’re cherished, treasured, and belong in the family. Parents’ relationship with each other and their way of being family shapes a child’s development immensely. If children do not form healthy attachments to both of their parents, many psychological maladies like anxiety and depression surface.

   Building from the body and the emotions into the mind, children need to learn in the home as well as at school. Parents are the primary educators of their children. They are called to help children learn, think responsibly, develop their abilities, and prepare for adult life. Not content with reading, writing, and ‘rithmetic, kids need to learn how to grow into the whole person God is calling them to become, and this happens primarily in the home. How to behave remains an important milestone in childhood development. Parents teach truth, love, self-gift, responsibility and respect by living out these virtues. Moms and Dads ask for forgiveness when they wrong their kids and readily forgive when they are wronged. Faith formation also should be fostered and encouraged within the family, as parents answer questions about the faith, nurture prayer and virtue, and help their sons and daughters to recognize their belonging to God’s family, the Church. Long before and after Sunday School, parents can make a tremendous difference in their children’s spiritual lives. Finally, moving beyond the family, parents can help their kids learn to live as responsible and cooperative community neighbors who foster the common good wherever they go.

   This is a tall task and should give parents pause before bringing more life into the world than they can be responsibly raise. But the fear of material inconvenience, excessive anxiety about health, or imperfect parenting should not make parents overly cautious about being open to life. Children are a gift from God who continues to guide them on their journey of life. Parents create a family atmosphere animated with love for each other and reverence for God that shapes their child’s future, but it is God who plants the seeds, waters them, and watches them grow. Understanding how tough this job is, special attention and care should be given to struggling families, single parents, and those mourning a loss. We need each other, and families leaning on families makes us all strong!

   -Fr. Stephen