We’ve seen the beauty of God’s original plan for married love. We’ve seen how it all fell apart with the sin of Adam and Eve. We’ve seen God teach humanity how to move from external commands to the heart. Now let’s see what God wants to do about our desires and how he wants to redeem them for holiness.

   ‘Erotic’ has become a dirty word, connoting something sinful, immoral, forbidden, profane. The ancient Greeks who coined the word didn’t think so. Eros was the word used for romantic love, the kind of love that transports you outside of yourself in attraction to the other person. In its best form, eros is the spark that sets off the relationship and gets it beyond the initial obstacles of social discomfort and laziness. Without romantic attraction, few people would bother to walk across the room to get to know the other person. If you want to see what happens when healthy eros is absent, just look at the social isolation and virtual relationships among many young people. Red-blooded desire can break us out of our comfort zone to do something bold and risky for love.

   Eros is not the end goal of love, however, for the initial spark of liftoff getting a ship out of orbit needs a steady fuel for space travel. A relationship founded on eros alone can get into the atmosphere, but it can’t make the interstellar journey of life. We need a stronger love from a more dependable source. Desire must be supplemented and perfected in self-gift and sacrifice. This is where another Greek word for love, agape, enters into the picture. Agape is altruistic, selfless, and unconditional love, the kind of love impossible for humans unassisted by God’s grace. God’s divine love (charity) is the necessary fulfillment of all human loves, and he alone can enable us to die to ourself for the sake of our beloved. Without divine, self-giving love, eros often turns in on itself and becomes selfish. Yet when harnessed side by side with agape, these two engines can propel us beyond the stars.

   Where is God’s agape most clearly made visible for us? It is Christ himself, God-made-man, going through his Passion for our sake. The truth, “This is my Body…This is the chalice of my Blood” of the Last Supper was fully revealed when he gave up his body and poured out his blood upon Calvary for our salvation. In Christ, we see a Bridegroom sacrificing everything for his Bride the Church (of which we are part). Jesus’ love is steadfast and faithful, going beyond his desires to agape us completely.

   Eros, that desire to be with and even embrace the person we love, has an important place within married love. Obviously, this same desire, when directed at someone other than our spouse, leads us in the wrong direction when not restrained. Even within marriage, eros without God’s self-giving agape can result in misaligned expectations, petty conflicts, and a breakdown of communication. Only God, especially through the Sacrament of Charity, the Eucharist, can give us the agape necessary to follow Christ’s command: “love one another as I love you.”

   -Fr. Stephen